London and Paris

It's getting colder in London. Fall is settling in and the trees have changed color, and the sky morphs from cloudy grey to spurts of sunshine to the general trickle of rain that leaves the air and ground perpetually damp. It's weird calling this place home, but I've been here for six weeks now, and I've gotten used to it now. Everyone is wearing red paper poppies on their jackets, and I know it's for charity but somehow in London it seems like a status symbol. I'm sitting in a cafe outside the famous LSE library right now, the only place you can legally eat or drink on library grounds, located 50 feet from the actual seven-storied prison. People have strewn their empty cups of cappuccino and sandwich wrappers on the ground almost in protest, even though there are trashcans nearby. It's a little odd actually. I've found that everyone here seems to be very strict about following certain rules-- everyone queue's like no one's business and if anyone remotely butts in line its like breaking the law. Asking for a favor is preempted with a "I'm sorry if this is a bit cheeky, but..." and bumping into a stranger on the street or acting vile or drunk in public is considered "rude." I like the usage of the word "rude" here actually. :)

I can't help but admit that London has charmed me. The LSE may have substantiated my initial fears of being surrounded by only self-interested I-banking wannabes, but even at this school I have met people that defy that stereotype (or even fulfill it with humor!) I've gotten very familiar with my neck of the city--the West End-- and even though it is very touristy, its so incredibly alive. It's been interesting coming here with certain goals-- to really make something of what I learn here, to explore the city, etc..-- and to see how they have come through so far. These first few weeks have been packed with meeting new people, starting over again, and desperately trying to establish a routine for myself in a place with too much to do. I've actually come to accept that there will be little routine, that I'll have friends in many random places, and that my academic life will take the shape I decide.

My trip to Paris was incredible. I had such a great time there exploring, seeing beautiful sights, art, monuments, and neighborhoods, eating delicieux baguettes and crepes and drinking loads of coffee, seeing Ryan, spending good time with friends, and soaking it all in. And speaking French. I was completely shocked at how much I actually knew and I loved talking to the locals. One of the local shopowners was thrilled that we were trying to speak French to her, and kept complimenting our efforts! I found Parisians to be very nice as long as you are polite as well, which is something I feel like some Americans tend to overlook when they visit Paris. Tourists are like having perpetual houseguests for Parisians-- it would be nice if people made an effort to respect their way of life and language. There is no harm in trying! What I loved most about Paris was how it was really a city for families, not just single, independent people like London. I saw so many little kids and just regular people walking their dogs (mostly poodles) in all parts of the city. Sometimes I think life in London is just unhealthy- the pubs, the air, the congestion, everyone moving so fast, the weather...its like were sick constantly. But in Paris the light was beautiful, and even when it rained it was gorgeous. I love London, but I cant wait to visit Paris again.

Well, so hopefully I'll keep up this blogging thing. But look at my pictures too!

Back Again

So I've decided to return to the home of my original blogs from India from a year ago. I've updated everything since then, so its all here. I'm going to once again try my best to keep up this blog over the coming year--but I know I'll have more to say from traveling and studying abroad in London. So...watch out Europe!

Until then, a few pictures from home and my visit to Thailand.

8 Things

Just a few more days in India left. It is once again, bizarre to think that I'm leaving and heading back to what sometimes seems like another universe from here. Since I don't know what to write about, I think I'll write about some of my favorite things about India (apart from the people, of course).

1). The Bookstores. I think I've browsed through every bookstore in this city (and a few in Delhi too!) I love the crowded little stalls that you find all over the place, and I especially love that books here cost about half as much as in the US. That's still not that cheap, but I somehow have convinced myself that its worth the splurge. I think I've collected like 15 books now and I'm afraid that I'll have to pay a ridiculous charge because my bags will be overweight! But still, the access to books is, by far, one of the best parts of this country.

Side note-- I get made fun of constantly for my accent here. And no, I have not let everyone in on my secret Indian accent that I use with the schoolkids and rickshaw drivers when no one else is around. But one time in a bookstore, I wanted to buy a copy of "Lolita," but I had forgotten the author's name. I asked one of the guys if he had it-- "Do you have Lo-lee-dah?" He shook his head confused, I laughed, and rephrased. "Do you have Lo-lee-TAH!?" And of course, then he knew what I was talking about.

2). INDIAN FILTER COFFEE. It's milky, strong and addictive. I am already hopelessly addicted to coffee anyways, and the abundance of filter coffee in South India does not help. When we traveled North, it was ridiculous how the coffee got progressively worse and the tea progressively better. But after drinking sugary tea for 2 weeks I was very happy to return to my filter coffee. I have 4 cups a day and get plenty of flack for it. But it's worth it.

3). Chapatis. Chapatis with bananas. Chapatis with anything.

4). Humor. This will be really hard to describe, but there is something about the sense of humor among the people that I've spent time with here that is nothing like what we are like at home. Even if you take out references to other languages in the way people speak, the manipulation of the English language is completely different from anywhere else in the world. I can't replicate it the same way though. You'll have to come here to experience it.

5). Painted Platters--relatively inexpensive, beautiful edible artful desserts. Enough said.

So far, 3/5 of this list is related to food. Hmm..

6). Everything contradicts itself. There is no majority opinion. You can barely make a statement about anything in this country without fifteen counterexamples popping up. It's actually really impossible to deal with, especially when you try to write, but that's India (hah).

7). Hindustani Classical Music. It fits with everything, particularly with long train journeys. There is something about the rhythm of the train and the pulse of the music that blends perfectly every time.

8). India forces you to be adaptable. Well maybe it doesn't force everyone, but I feel that its forced me, in so many ways, to adapt. The train journeys are a classic example. You kind of just learn to manage with a certain level of filth and sweat and discomfort that in any other environment at home would seem impossible to deal with. But here you somehow manage when necessary. Apart from physical discomforts, you just have to learn how to make do with how confusing it is to live here sometimes. Within the same square mile you'll find such dramatic examples of traditional and super-modern, conservative and liberal, poverty and richness. This country is progressing in such a way that some people are being thrust forward while others are left behind in conditions that First-Worlders would consider archaic. But every varying degree of life is present here, coexisting peacefully, indifferently, and violently together.

That's all for now. India has, once again, treated me very well.

Youth Engagement

So with about ten days left in India, I'm beginning to reflect a little more on my experience thus far. As always, my conclusions tie back to the value of education-- of cultivating a critical spirit, of introspection, and that in order to make change I have to be the change. Everyone loves that quote by Gandhi (just look under 9/10 of your friends' Favorite Quotes on Facebook!)--"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I think I may have misinterpreted it a bit in the past-- instead of just being the agent of change, I've found that I really have to be the subject of change. Prescriptions for improvement of another society, system, community, or person-- they're all useless if you don't apply the same standards to your own life. If you believe in equality, does equality mean that everyone in impoverished India, in the Third World should be living as we do in the First? That, in fact, would be scary. Imagine the effect if we all, as equals, were all guzzling through life with the same disregard for the environment. We simply wouldn't have enough resources to begin talking about equality in American terms. So maybe it's time to look a little more deeply on how my lifestyle, my choices, my vote affects others in our increasingly interconnected, globalized world.

I've had a few debates now in India over this whole concept of youth voluntarism, of global engagement. Paolo Freire outlines in the Pedagogy of the Oppressed that in engaging with the oppressed, humanitarianism is useless--it's just another form of good intentions based on the "egotistic interests of the oppressors," based on the notion that we know best, as educated, middle-class Westerners. Through our upbringings, we understand the world and can come and offer skills and ideas to bequeath upon the hapless. I think many of my peers have definitely moved beyond this level of thought, and are posing more complex questions about capacity building, of "engaging" with communities, of enhancing the capabilities of stakeholders based on cultural sensitivity, etc. But Freire keeps emphasizing that to help the oppressed, it has to come from within, that you have to become them. Are we becoming "them" by coming to third world countries for two month stints, for eating local foods and living in homestays, for trudging through challenging environments and coming back to the comforts of our homes in the US and pat on the back for "saving the world"? We may be learning a lot, we may carry these experiences with us for a lifetime, we may, ideally, apply what we have learned to actually change our own lifestyles at home afterwards, but are we really enabling the oppressed in a sustainable way? What does sustainability really mean anyways? I'd argue that sustainability comes from within, it means a lifelong commitment, it means critical dedication without expectations.

But honestly, I can't really say one way or another what is "best." I can definitely say that I get really irritated by all of these short-term volunteering stints-- a week in the Third World and coming back "changed." Tell me what you really learn in a week. Do such experiences really provoke you to think longer and harder about the politics, education, culture, and economics of these places? Do they provoke you to look into how US foreign policy contributes to what you've seen? Hopefully. I recently read about a high-school girl in my hometown of Columbia, MO, and how she was applauded by the entire community, after visiting some impoverished country, for starting a shoe drive. Basically, she saw so many shoe-less people suffering in that country and her heart went out to them. In an act of charity, she decided to collect shoes instead of presents for her 18th birthday. Such philanthropy does not interest me, nor do I we should be applauding such people as if they are creating actual solutions for the world's problem of shoelessness. Many NGOs here also apply similar band-aids to the cancers of this country, donating shoes and a yearly supply of bananas to primary schools. Such quick fixes are based on good intentions and feel-good philanthropy, not thought. And if you acknowledge it for what it is, that's completely fine. But let's not get mixed up in thinking that good intentions are sustainable. The road to hell, as we all say, is paved by good intentions.

Sometimes I wonder what we are actually doing at the government school level anyways. I don't particularly think that my presence in these places is actually creating solutions tangible to them. I'm definitely learning a lot about education, about the education system and about the nature of thoughtful interventions. But I'm no radical, and I'm not organizing sit-ins or agitating for more teachers to the government bureaucrats. And why should I? I am not a direct stakeholder in this school--these are not my children. But do I really have a stake in their success, in their development as thoughtful and productive human beings?

In an ideal world, I wish I could find a way to radically alter the government primary schools into free institutions that create our world's problem-solvers, kids that see things they want to change in their own communities and become the agents for transforming their realities. They wouldn't bat an eye at Americans or wealthy Indians coming in to volunteer at their school. Through education, "capacity building" would take place at the roots. But that's an ideal world, where there would be no complex hierarchies of oppressed and oppressors, no corrupt managers, and where the teaching profession would be valued so much throughout society that the smartest, most motivated, most dedicated people of the world would be teaching in primary schools.

Can outsiders build this ideal world? We may not be direct stakeholders, but indirectly, we want to see everyone--including the poorest and most exploited people in society--actively work to change the world in a positive way. Whether its right or not, effective or not, who knows. But we can choose to work in these environments, as outsiders, simply because we want to. There can be no other 100% justifiable reason. And I'm okay with that. Youth engagement doesn't "save the world," and if you are thinking in terms of "saving", we have more serious issues to address. But we engage with the world because we want to, maybe not because we've found the best way, or because it may be a more "moral" choice. It may be smarter to cut down on our lifestyles and advocate for a third party government in the US or protest every day outside of the White House for changing our farming and trade policies. But maybe understanding life in the third world will lead us to question more about our own lives, and I've definitely found my experiences to be true to that. And for that reason, it has all been worth it. I've learned so much.

Traveling India

Last Saturday began a long two weeks of travel for me all over India. First, we went further south to Chamarajanagar, a district in the southeastern corner of Karnataka for a conference on teaching methods and for NGOs and non-formal school educators to come together. Chamarajanagar was really beautiful, and the school in which we stayed--Deenabandu School--is partially sponsored by Asha and educates orphans and very poor children in the district. Chamarajanagar is also considered one of the most backward states in Karnataka. Apparently, former Chief Ministers always had bad luck politically after visiting this district, so now its taboo to come there, and no CM's will come! I made friends with a few schoolgirls that at first, wanted to call me Aunty. We corrected that quickly and they taught me some Kannada. It was really interesting to see various educators coming together and discussing the challenges that they face. Some of them talked about a lack of "nourishment," so to speak, among people doing similar things--working with poor children, facing funding problems, feeling alone in their quests, etc. Imagine starting up your own school in rural India for children far below the poverty line, some orphans, with little staff and few people that can give you the sort of intellectual or moral support with a certain level of understanding on education taken into account. If you don't have that support, it gets lonely. If you, as an individual, are the emblem of sustainability, by enduring with your project for decades, how do you find someone that can follow up with you after you've moved on, that has the compunction to invest the same amount of needed long-term energy into something like a school? In some ways, it makes sense to me why one would instead choose to spend a lifetime trying to change the government system--the fundamental, permanent provider of education for the most underprivileged. But that is also a very frustrating, endless road to go down.

On Sunday, we made a mad dash back to Bangalore to catch our train to Delhi at 10 PM. Ram kept telling me I wouldn't have a chance to have a bath. Thankfully, we did, and I had my only bath before we embarked on the 2 day, non A/C train journey. As a sidenote, this has been the dirtiest vacation I've ever been on. Baths are very coveted affairs. So anyways, the train was actually not too far from my expectations, but I had been prepared. Madhavi bought me a copy of the newest Harry Potter (!). Sleeping on the train wasn't too bad, but at 6 AM sharp, the chai-wallas started coming down the aisles every few minutes. The scenery was fantastic--we traveled through 6 states: Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, and Uttar Pradesh. At one point, the train stopped for us to witness probably one of the most fantastic sunsets I've ever seen. Guys on the train were sticking their heads out the windows and singing Hindi songs. We got to Delhi around noon on Tuesday.

Once we got to Delhi, we went to the sketchiest hotel I've ever been to to park our stuff for the day and have much-needed showers. Then we spent the day wandering around Delhi's National Museum and Connaught Place. That night we took another train to Chakki Bank station in the very northern part of Punjab state, and from there we took a taxi to Himachal Pradesh. We wound up the mountains and landed up in the Himalayan hill station of Dalhousie, about 7000 feet up.

Dalhousie was absolutely beautiful, though the cloud cover was pretty thick for the 2 days we spent there. While no snow-clad peaks were to be seen, we did a lot of hiking and I am proud to say that I handled it all in my flip-flops with only on scape on my little toe to show for it! As we climbed higher into the mountains we trekked by cows and bulls grazing. I'll admit that I was only slightly terrified of being butted off the mountains by a bull as we tried to slip by them on the narrow paths, with valleys dropping thousands of feet nearby. 2 days in the clouds of Dalhousie were fantastic though, and definitely a highlight of the trip.

After Dalhousie, we headed to the thriving metropolis of Sherpur, Punjab. A village of 10,000 people, Sherpur is not easy to find. The Asha India Conference was held there in a dharmashala in the village, and for 2 days I witnessed the goings-on (basically all in Hindi) of a mixed group of Asha-India volunteers from all over the country. Asha is an extremely diverse federation of people--some running schools, some working in people's movements, some fundraising and running projects like in Bangalore, etc. Most of the meeting was spent on discussing processes as Asha grows in size and in funding strength, so that wasn't too interesting for me. But it was quite an experience nonetheless. Being in Sherpur definitely provided another contrast to our third world/first world travels. The place in which the conference was held was under construction, with piles of sand and dirt everywhere, un-usuable bathrooms with inches of stagnant water inside, and a generally rowdy bunch of Northerners mixed with a few "tree-top" NGO-types from the US and the South that were only slightly horrified by the conditions there. I got to stay at a nice Punjabi woman's house at night, sleeping on cots in the open air. I couldn't speak to my host, because she only spoke Punjabi and Hindi, but she was incredibly nice and hospitable. The highlight of Sherpur was when we got to see the school and plant nursery that Asha was sponsoring. The kids in Punjab are definitely more boisterous from what I'm used to, breaking out in bhangra and singing songs and playing with the volunteers. The plant nursery was developed on the grounds of a crematory (!) and is situated in the rural part of the village. I've never been to a place like Sherpur before, or a state like Punjab, but it was definitely an experience. At times I felt entirely cut off from the rest of the world, but then at other times, I was taken by in-your-face kindness the people there.

From Sherpur we headed to Amritsar, and indulged in first-world delights of air-conditioning and mattresses and toilets in a hotel near the railway station. In the evening, we saw Jallianwala Bagh, the site in which hundreds (or thousands? The numbers reported vary from source to source) of innocent people were massacred by a British Indian firing squad in 1919. It was surreal seeing it for real, because my limited understanding of the place is from the film Gandhi and what I've read in history books. Later, we visited the Golden Temple.

Now I'm back to Delhi again, after taking a fancy Shatabdi train from Amritsar around 5 this morning. I'll be here for a few days before heading back by train to Bangalore, arriving on Friday. This trip has been brilliant so far. I've traveled 8 states in a little over a week. I've learned to sleep on humming trains, bumpy rides down the Himalayan mountains, and in cabs tumbling through the dusty Punjab. Oh and I've also learned to sleep through snarky comments on my reading Harry Potter (which was actually pretty disappointing! This article sums it up pretty well). But I've gotten to experience quite a bit of the multifaceted landscape, food, charms, and contradictions of this country. Pictures to come soon.

Preaching in a Desert

So this week I've been spending some time in another government primary school--Kumaraswamy Layout School--in the same area as Chandranagar School. It's been interesting hanging around a new school and facing some of the same obstacles I faced when I initially began to work in Chandranagar School last summer-- distrust, curiosity, excess hospitality, etc. The older teachers of course were very shocked when I wanted to carry my own chair around, or when I insisted on being ignored in the classrooms. The headmistress actually speaks no English, which is a change for me, but she kept insisting that I have some yogurt mixed with salt and water, and before I realized it, I had accepted a drink made with unboiled water. I had like four sips and then my mind started playing tricks on me, my hypochondria settled in and I started feeling a stomachache.

I kind of sensed that some of the younger teachers were more suspicious of me than anything. I explained that I was doing research on government schools, and one asked "What's the use?" Totally valid question. I tried my best to explain that I wanted to understand schools to find out how NGOs could do a better job of helping, but I'm not sure if I was making sense to her. It seemed to be quite odd to her that an outsider, let alone a girl from the US, would want to hang around a poor government primary school. It makes sense though, I would be curious too. But beyond trying to do anything of use for NGOs or whoever (which in and of itself is a lofty goal, and honestly presumptuous in a lot of ways), I'm here to learn. At that level, I don't think this teacher would have seen the "use" in what I was doing at all.

Being in KS Layout school reminded me of what it's like to be a true outsider again. In Chandranagar School I can enjoy the luxury of hanging out with the kids, talking easily with the headmistress, poking around and asking questions. But even there, I think I am still somewhat of an outsider to them.

But if there is something I've really learned so far through my experiences in India and with Indian education, it is that to try to make change as an outsider, delivering yet another interpretation of a valuable input to reform schooling that is just as invaluable as some of these government inputs, or lack thereof, is to misunderstand the nature of the challenges of working in government education. We are constantly inundated with statistics on government education--but we have to move beyond the stats and recognize that wait a minute, we're actually talking about people. To make change in government education, I think that you really have to understand each of its challenges in depth, and also understand the role that you, or an organization, are playing in addressing those challenges.

Paulo Friere puts it well, as always:

We simply cannot go to the laborers--urban or peasant--in the banking style, to give them "knowledge" or impose on them the model of the "good man" contained in a program whose content we have ourselves organized. Many political and educational plans have failed because their authors designed them according to their own personal views of reality, never once taking into account (except as mere objects of their actions) the men-in-a-situation to whole their program was ostensibly directed.

The task implies that revolutionary leaders do not go to the people in order to bring them a message of "salvation," but in order to come to know through dialogue with them both their objective situation and their awareness of that situation--the various levels of perception of themselves and the world in which and with which they exist. One cannot expect positive results from an educational or political action program which fails to respect the particular view of the world held by the people. Such a program constitutes cultural invasion, good intentions nonwithstanding (Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 94-95).

Public/Private partnerships gone awry

On Friday I was able to sit in on a meeting that reinforced my hope that there are dedicated, intelligent people here in Karnataka that are advocating for justice in government schooling.

Recently, the Government of Karnataka proposed the creation of a new state-sponsored but privately run research institute, State Institute of Educational Management and Training, or SIEMAT. In essence, the Government of Karnataka has taken the position that the problems in our schooling system today can be remedied through "better management practices," over more attention paid to changes in pedagogy, improved funding for teachers and infrastructure, better quality in education through teaching, less mismanagement of funds by corrupt bureaucrats, etc. etc (this is my take on some of the prime areas that need reconsidering). Whats more, SIEMAT would be a private-public partnership between the Government of Karnataka and the Azim Premji Foundation (APF).

APF is the foundation of the founder of Wipro, one of India's dazzlingly successful information-technology companies. APF is based in Bangalore, and has been adopting schools left and right in North Karnataka, doing extensive research on schooling, and creating a model for improvement based on better management practices. It seems as if the great managers of the IT industry know exactly how to remedy the problems of education with the same simple solution. Maybe there is a need for study of better management practices in education for the bureaucrats and the ministers and all, but why it needs to occur in a seperate institution run primarily by APF, I don't quite understand. This is a case of private interests gone too far, where suddenly those who are lauded for bringing new money to India are the best people to solve problems in education, as opposed to the educationalists, advocates, etc. that have been working for equality and improvement in government education for their lifetimes, and whose achievements and prescriptions are not given the same weight by the Government of Karnataka. Non-profits like APF certainly have a role to play in improvement of government education, but this form of partnership where they have been named the specific directors of a state-funded institute crosses the line.

Nonetheless, when I sat in on a meeting of people who are about to begin round two for advocacy against SIEMAT through press releases, a memorandum, and so on, I really appreciated their dedication in fighting for equity and reform in a system so ready to give policy-making authority to private actors with no democratic responsibility to the people as the state indeed has.

So, we'll see what happens next.

Talkin' Bout A Revolution

I learned a lot today.

I went to school today after meeting with a representative from another NGO working in government schools, Sikshana Foundation. When I got to school, the usual chaos was in place. The fourth and fifth standard classrooms were left without a teacher for most of the day. The kids were running amok and fighting with each other. One kid who already had a cut on his head had been pushed around by another girl, and the wound started bleeding again. I took a look at his head, and it was scraped up pretty badly, and it looked as if it was an open wound. The teachers remedied the problem by pouring water on his head, and then asking the SDMC (School Development and Monitoring Committee) president for some help. She sent some ointment for the kid's head smeared on a leaf. A leaf. The HM stuck the leaf on his head, and the kid went on his way. Such is the nature of first aid in Chandranagar Government Primary School. I asked if the kid's mother would take him to the doctor, because that wound really needed to be checked out. The HM shook her head doubtfully.

Later, I yelled at an SUV full of idiot guys that was parked in the schoolyard. They were blasting loud music and disrupting the classrooms and learning that was not really taking place anyways. They were all male teenagers, with nothing better to do, so I screamed at them for a while and they turned the music down, but didn't leave. Ram said later that we all should have gone to the police station to have them removed. Tomorrow.

There are more events from my half-day at the school that made my stomach turn, but I don't feel like getting into it. After an hour at the school today, I wanted to run. The kids weren't listening to anyone, none of the teachers were really teaching much, and I was overwhelmed. But I forced myself to stick it out until the end of the day, and do some English with the 4th and 5th Standards. As I was taking an auto back, all I could think was that I really needed my coffee, and a shower.

After I got myself together again, and after a long conversation with Ram, was I really able to wrap my mind around just how severe a challenge it is to teach in government schools here. The number of teachers, no matter how capable they are or not, cannot withstand the capacity of the school. No teacher could possibly teach for five hours straight at this school, under these conditions. There is no where near enough momentum behind just seven teachers to withstand the assault of dealing with 330 students and eight grades. You don't solve the problem of lack of teachers by supplying untrained or apathetic teachers paid a meagre 1000-2000 Rs/month ($25-50). But then again, if the government isn't supplying teachers, NGOs go on putting these 'temporary' teachers into posts, perpetuating lack of government agency but fulfilling an immediate need.

It's funny, because I keep telling Ram that every time we have discussions about the nature of government schooling here, and its larger reflection on Indian society, he is slowly chipping away at my idealism. But I suppose idealism steeped in about 25% cynicism is what makes you go on in the world today, beyond misguided notions of altruism and philanthropy, to a deeper understanding of our self-interested ways. I haven't yet given up my idealism and I'm going on my merry way working and doing research on NGO work in government schools, instead of taking up arms au Che Guevera and joining the Naxalites and starting a real revolution or people's movement for radical change in schooling. Maybe that is what it takes. But until then, I might as well be fully aware about how I, and how NGOs as well, exist for our own self-interests. Through learning more in depth about the nature of education work and the realities of government schooling, and about the way our societies work and develop, we can have a better understanding, and "introspect" on our place within it all. Through such introspection can we figure out how to make change in the world. I may not be able to empower communities without becoming one of them, and I can't really become one of them if I'm living in America, or in Mantri Elegance for that matter, with my iPod and my copy of Pedagogy of the Oppressed. But maybe I can have a better understanding of how my personal choices contribute to the nature of the beast, and how through continuous learning I can find appropriate ways in which to act.

Stories

Today I went to the school again, all day, stocked with ammunition-- English storybooks and art supplies. More on that another time. But here are some stories from the day...

After doing some English with the 4th grade class (they were teacher-less for this period), the teacher entered the class and began the ganitha (math) lesson. The 4th grade classroom is half a schoolroom, divided with the 5th grade by a wooden partition that does not reach the ceiling. I was sitting and watching the lesson-- the teacher copied a drawing from their textbook, and the students were supposed to follow, and write out numbers based on their thousands, hundredths, tens, and ones places. For example:

7777 = 7000 + 700 + 70 + 7

About 15/45 of the students were actually participating in the lesson, shouting the answers and running to the teacher to have him check their notebooks. I noticed that one kid sitting near my feet, Manikanta, was rubbing his eyes, textbook and notebook closed. He was crying. I asked him why, and he said it was because he didn't have a pencil. I offered my pen, but he refused vehemently. No kid would let him borrow their pencil. I went to the HM's office and grabbed a tiny pencil lying around, and offered it to him. Still, he refused. I kept trying to console him, but he would not open his book and follow the lesson. Nearly 10 more minutes went by, and the rest of the class had moved along. Finally, I gave him a stern look and forced him to stand up with me, and we went through the problem together. I kept shouting excitedly ("Verrryy Goooud" in my Indian accent) when he understood what I was asking him, and finally, he took my pen and started writing the answers to the questions.

Later, at the end of the day, I was helping the HM fill out records to enroll the 8th graders for their SSLC (10th Standard) examinations in two years. SSLC exams are a huge deal around here, and apparently you have to submit perfect records far in advance, with payments and photos for each child. While we were working, a young mother came into the office and started talking to the HM about her son in the 5th Standard. She was worried because he refuses to write, or read, or do any work in either school or at home. She is illiterate and cannot help her son. She has high aspirations for him. At one point, as she was talking, she just started crying. I couldn't really make out why, but later Padmaja explained that it was because her husband drinks, and she is worried that her son will end up like him.

Desensitization

It's a curious phenomenon, really. More frightening than curious, but in my second trip to India I can both feel and see myself becoming slowly desensitized to the chaos around me. It becomes natural, and therefore one develops this skin built for protection against the sensory overload, the frustrating and backward politics, and the depravity of so much around you.

The first time I saw a beggar on the street was in Delhi, obviously, since that was the first place I went in India this time around. There are definitely more on the streets of Delhi than in Bangalore. I remember walking through a shopping complex with Tinku and Anand and there being an old woman on the granite footpath writing on the ground. I was mid-sentence through something inane, I'm sure. I couldn't speak for a moment, but we continued to walk, sidestepping the horrifying sight at our feet. In these situations, you feel helpless. Do you stare? Call for help? Continue walking?

At some point, you have to ask yourself when countless people come up to you, begging for money with their dirty, sleepy children thrown over their shoulder, what can I really do to help this person? Where is this money going? After a while, most people stop looking at them. You stare in the opposite direction, suddenly both blind and deaf to their requests. And I saw myself begin to do it too, desensitized.

Another example. On Monday night, we all went for a movie. For those of you unfamiliar with SUPERSTAR RAJNI (Rajnikanth), he is a fat, toupee-wearing, former traffic policeman now incredibly popular actor in South India. His newest creation that we saw, "Sivaji: The Boss," is about how this multi-billionaire wants to build a hospital and school with his money, encounters some troubles, tries to marry a "traditional" Tamil girl, goes bankrupt, etc. etc. Seemingly harmless plot, no? Well, the actual movie is impossible to give justice to. The traditional Indian bride spends the entire movie either crying or screaming, and while she is chaste and wears a nice braid and sari during the "Reality" portions of the movie, in the "Dream Sequences" or song-and-dance numbers, she sports ridiculous wigs, scandalous outfits, gyrating around like a robot and sexual object for the old, skeezy Sivaji. That's not a word, but I'm using it anyways. The entire movie was awful. Please YouTube it so I can stop trying to explain the inexplicable.

So, back to the point-- after the movie, I was horrified. Madhavi couldn't sleep for a while. I couldn't get Sivaji's idiotic catchphrase ("Cool!") and theme song out of my head. During the movie, I couldn't stand to watch most of the song sequences, so I took to watching the audience instead. The theatre was packed full of your typical South Indian families, sitting happily as the movie blared at the highest possible volume and displayed these vulgar scenes of scantily-clad women in black leather juxtaposed with traditional scenes of a Tamil family feeding their guests and offering them tea and coffee. Everyone seemed to have a pleasant, glazed-over look on their face.

But on Tuesday, I managed to go the entire day without thinking about it. That's desensitization.

There is a difference between being desensitized to the harsher realities of this country and being ignorant to them. I can no longer call myself ignorant, as a second visit has now begun with a better baseline of knowledge for what this place is all about, how it functions, and what its people are like. I find it harder to go to the school now, and see its problems continue for another year. But at the same time, seeing this thicker skin develop has only led more questions. The problems I encounter in the school, for example, may seem even more difficult to deal with, even more rooted in systemic or cultural issues, but now its time to put a more informed finger on where the problems lie and find out more deeply why they exist.

But I'll never understand Rajnikanth. I almost don't want to, and I'm glad that I've developed some sort of tolerance strong enough to let me sleep peacefully at night after four hours of "Sivaji: THE BOSS."

First Day Back at Chandranagar

After about a year, I returned to Chandranagar Government Primary School today. Chandranagar is about 3 km. from where I live, in an urban slum. Last year, there were 280 students for 7 grades and 7 teachers. This year, there are 330 students, 8 grades, and 5 teachers? Maybe 6 1/2 (two have been recently appointed by another charity in the last few days). The children and the teachers remembered me from last year, and it was slightly surreal seeing all of these kids, one year older, slightly bigger, slightly rowdier, and still not learning much.

The situation at Chandranagar has been quite rough in the past year-- 3 Asha appointed teachers gone, one new headmistress come and gone in a month, another long-standing government appointed teacher switched out to another school, and then 2 recent appointments by the government for a school desperately in need of teachers. The 5th grade class is now taken underneath a tree. But apparently the tree causes a lot of noise blowing with the heavy wind at times, and the teachers are afraid that branches will fall on the children!

I was greeted with the usual "Good Morning Miss!!" and smiling faces. I was really surprised to have remembered the special handshake that they do at the end of the day. After spending less than an hour there, I was already left in a classroom of 8th graders, alone, and instructed to do some English with them. We read a story together, with the students competing for their chance to read, some struggling, some reading each word very well but having absolutely no clue what it meant. At times I would stop and ask the class, in either English or broken Kannada, what "ocean," or "frightened," or "peak" meant, sometimes having to draw diagrams on the board.

One definite improvement from last year to this year has been the nutrition and midday meals situation. Last year, the mid-day meals provided by the government came infrequently, if at all on time, and were typically tasteless and void of nutritional value. The teachers always brought their own lunch. This year, an NGO called Akshaya Patra, in conjunction with the Government of Karnataka (GOK), is feeding children through the kitchens of the ISKCON temple. The GOK only pays one rupee (~2.5 cents) per head out of the cost to feed the children through Akshaya Patra's Midday Meals, the rest of the cost is covered by other donors. Needless to say, these kids are now getting fed better tasting food in bigger quantities, and apparently even the teachers eat it as well.

These kids are absolutely adorable, of course, but it is very troubling to see just how much of the day was characterized by classrooms stuffed to capacity without teachers.

When I asked about advocating for more government teacher appointments, the HM told me that government teachers are appointed from a group of teachers that are interested in transferring locations. The teachers get the option of choosing which school they would like to work in, and often choose schools close to home. So, when the HM requested 5 new teachers from the Block Education Officer, they only brought in 2 because only two chose to work in Chandranagar School.

One of the most troubling situations, apart from the lack of basic needs in the school-- adequate teachers and space-- is the 3rd grade (III Std.). There are over 60 third standard students in one classroom, and according to the headmistress, maybe only 10 students are at the level they should be, the rest are quite far behind. This is apparently due to the chaos of this past year. When these children were in II Std, their teacher (Asha hired), left in October, and there was no new teacher for II Std. until the following February. The reasons for leaving were probably for the right reasons (see last year's blog for a full account of the drama that went down), but these children suffered a lot without a consistent teacher for so long. So many of these small children that used to be so quiet have now grown bigger and more rambunctious, certainly difficult to control all at once. The headmistress had to tell them, as I sat to visit their classroom, "Behave so 'Miss' can go back to America and say what nice children there are here."

The GOK has also instructed Chandranagar School to hold upper primary classes up to the 8th standard now, as last year only went until the 7th. To keep students from dropping out, an entire grade was added, and one additional teacher certified to teach upper level science and math was appointed by the GOK. When I was in the 8th grade class, I noticed that one of my favorite kids from last year, Selvakumar, was not in the classroom. He was a little troublemaker sometimes, but a sweet kid that had hopes to start his own business named after the headmistress, "Padmaja Electrics." I later asked the HM where he was. Apparently, his father had suffered from some illness, and is no longer able to work. Selvakumar has now left school and become the "working man." Apparently he is working in an aluminum factory. He is probably 13 years old.

I asked the HM what I could do for them, because apart from writing a follow-up report on the school, I'd like to spend my free time there doing whatever I can. Part of me feels helpless, yet empowered to do something for a school lodged in a broken system. The GOK has now established that English should be taught from the 1st grade, yet no one is currently teaching English to these children, with not enough teachers to go around. The HM gave me the new 1 std. English workbook and a teacher's guide to go with it, and got very excited at the thought of me teaching English to the tiniest of the lot. I'm not a teacher. I don't know a thing about teaching. But there is a need, so I'm reading the instructors guide and studying up. I also need to learn some more basic Kannada, fast. That would make things a lot easier. But still, I can't help but feel troubled by it all-- this school needs serious changes, not quick fixes.

Doing research on how NGOs should be investing in government schools, and then acting as an NGO player in a government school itself creates an interesting work dynamic in India. Many things are familiar from last year, and some of the same things I debated with myself then are just as relevant one year later. In a city and a country with an 8% growth rate, construction and development occurring rapidly from one year to the next, the middle and upper classes growing wealthier by the minute, it is also startling to see just how much things have not changed, even deteriorated, in the government schools.

Back to Bangalore

After about a week in Delhi, I am now back in Bangalore. I had a really nice time in Delhi, since I last wrote, Neelmoy and I visited Old Delhi and got to see a lot of the more traditional sights and sounds of the city. We visited a mosque, the Jama Masjid, and climbed one of its towers. The tower had a tiny staircase twisting up hundreds of feet, and once you got to the top, there was a small area to stand and sort of hang on to the grated windows to see all of Delhi.

In Old Delhi we also got to ride the bicycle rickshaws. A guy literally has a cart attached to the back of a bicycle, and you are slightly elevated to have a nice view of the chaos around you. It's amazing how these skinny guys can pull so much weight biking around all day long. Neelmoy and I both think that if India recruited some of its athletes from this population, with proper nutrition, these guys would be winning medals. I read similar musings on a NY Times blog, "Two for the Road," where they wrote about bicycles in Africa, and how they are used for both transportation and income.

Yesterday I left Delhi for Bangalore. As soon as I got to the airport, I felt more at ease knowing that I was relatively familiar with the place, and maybe 10% proficient in the local language, Kannada. It's nice to be back though, in my old room at Mantri, and to see familiar faces again. The sounds of the city are also very familiar, as the nearby temple is now broadcasting vocal music and some sort of talking along with the typical clanging of the bells on the loudspeaker.

I'm also excited to go back to the school that I worked in last summer, but from what I heard, things have deteriorated and there are now more students and fewer teachers than before. I'll go on Thursday and report back after that. Until then... tata!

Mango Season in Delhi

So I've already spent three days in Delhi, and there is so much to tell! I'm staying with family friends in Noida, a suburb of Delhi of approximately 3 million. Settling into the heat was interesting-- its about 100 degrees on average this week, and the humidity is so high that you sweat like crazy just standing outside for five minutes. It's like a sauna that you don't have to pay for, shedding pounds is no big deal, just give yourself thirty minutes in the sun. As soon as I stepped out of the plane from Bangkok, the smell of Delhi hit. I haven't been here in over six years, but I remembered the smell right a way-- kind of a mix of smoke and trash and heat and bodies. It settles in your stomach and you get used to in a few days. Each city has its own smell, and its funny how powerful and distinct they are. Even my room at Northwestern had its own unique smell, one of our friends put it as a "mix of spices and antique shop." Classy.

Delhi is huge, and it makes the traffic incredibly better than in Bangalore since things are so spread out. Here, six lanes are made into eight, while in Bangalore, three are made into twelve. On Wednesday, Neelmoy (the son of my mom's graduate school roommate) took me around to Khan Market, and we visited FabIndia for the first of what I'm sure will be many, many times. Neelmoy got some of what apparently, as rated by CNN, MTV, and many food magazines and newspapers, was the best street food in Delhi. I had a bit, which probably wasn't a very good idea. Then we went to "Barista Creme," a high-end Starbucks-type place with waiters and interesting coffee concoctions. I was very happy. Then we ventured to Dilli Haat, an outdoor market with local crafts and art for sale, and I got a few gifts and had my henna done on my arm. There are plenty of artistic, emo photos by Neelmoy which I will upload shortly.

Yesterday, we went to the Garden of Five Senses, which is this nice park with interesting sculptures and artwork all around. I had my palm read for a whopping 100 rupees (~$2.50, but seriously, that's a lot), and the swami-ji was surprisingly on for most of it. The most accurate thing he said, with utter confidence, was that I had 2 years of schooling left, and that I was going to be a "disseminator of knowledge," and kept emphasizing work in education. Apparently, I will be a self-made woman, very rich and famous, with three kids (one that will give me a lot of trouble), and that I will have a "love marriage" to a nice Indian man. I will also be constantly fearful of the "evil eye" upon me, that threatens my health and that of my family. He offered to sell me the sacred stone that will protect me from the evil eye, but I politely declined. So, close friends and family, watch out.

Today we saw the beautiful Baha'i Lotus Temple in the sweltering heat, but it was lovely just the same. But, ironically, the better stories from today come from Neelmoy and my "adventure" to run some errands in Noida. We needed like 5 things-- cheese, chicken, oil, milk, coffee. We went to 3 different places to find the cheese, one other place to find the chicken. There must have been a million stores crammed into this tiny area, with cars, and auto rickshaws, and 3-wheel, old-school bike rickshaws going in every direction on both one and two-way streets. Neelmoy and I drove into this tiny one-way lane that was blocked at the end, and somehow, with like a nine-point turn, we managed to get out without hitting any a) cars, b) 3-wheelers, or c) people. The most memorable incident was when we backed into an enormous pothole. Essentially, it was a crater in the ground, at least a foot deep. After the back wheel fell in, I was at a loss and thought we were going to have to get 10 people to lift the car out. But the banana vendor nearby just motioned for Neelmoy to turn the wheel (I'm sure he had seen many other cars in a similar predicament), to maneuver our way out. As Neelmoy revved the engine and turned the wheel, water sprayed everywhere and a street child nearby had a laugh. Eventually, we found our way out and got the hell out of there. It was fantastic.

I'm really enjoying my time here in Delhi. I get stuffed with three meals a day, not helped at all by Neelmoy as he adds additional food to my plate with a side-to-side nod of his head and a "eat more beta!" Sigh. Jetlag is also slowly wearing off, and I'm getting re-acquainted to this country again. I'll be back in Bangalore in a few days. Should be a sweet summer.

12 Hours in Bangkok

So, here I am again, in an airport--but this time its in a new city, new country--Bangkok, Thailand. I have another ten hours to kill before my flight to Delhi. I thought of venturing outside the airport, but I'd have to go through the hassle of Immigration and Customs and then pay the apparent 700 baht ($20) taxi ride to the city. I know, excuses excuses, I should be doing it anyways, but after over a day of traveling now, I don't really feel up to the challenge. I'll experience the real Bangkok in 8 1/2 weeks anyways.

The airport is beautiful--sleek, modern, and overpriced. I paid like $3 for a coffee, and somehow I knew I was being ripped off. I'm trying to resist the temptation to get a massage for $15, but after another 5 hours go by, I probably won't be able to. The plane ride from Los Angeles was really nice actually, Thai Airways is sweet. You have plenty of space, tons of movies to watch on your own personal screen, pretty decent Thai food, and really good service. I sat next to a Punjabi cashier named Seva from Fresno, and I helped him fill out the immigration card. On my other side was a quiet Thai girl, and then an American study abroad student on his way to India. I always like people watching on planes. You definitely get a wide assortment. The 17 hours went by pretty nicely because we took off around midnight, and after 2 Tylenol PMs, dinner, and a glass of wine, I was out. It was seriously a miracle.

It was surprisingly shocking as I watched the image of the little plane flying over the map of Southeast Asia as we made it closer to Bangkok. I just spent a quarter learning about all of these places, I have the geography memorized to the T, but it felt so weird to know that I was actually on this side of the world now. Thailand has now been under yet another shift to military rule (in a peaceful coup a year ago), though there has been some agitation from former Prime Minister Thaksin supporters for his return, and moreover, a return to democracy. This is a country where old youthful pictures of the nation's revered king, King Bhumibol, are all over its currency and air bridges. Its bizarre actually being here, even though I'm only chilling in the airport.

Leaving for India was hard, mostly because it finally marks the beginning of many adventures in the coming year. I am excited. I have no idea what to expect, what all I'll be doing, what impact I'll make or have made upon me. But I'm sure it will be something. This last year certainly had its ups and downs, but I think in a lot of ways, I finally began to solidify in my head what is really important to me, which, as cliche as it sounds, is to be part of a movement taking place all over the world and in a million different ways, to educate people with the hope that doing so will empower the silenced to speak (in the words of Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed).

New Blog Address

New blog address for Summer 2007--

http://rajni.vox.com

Wallerstein on Greed

"Greed is a very corrosive emotion, and our present system encourages it, virtually lauds it, because it rewards it. Are we really arguing that no society can be free if greed is morally leashed in some way, and in which countervalues are incorporated into our superegos? Some say charity can balance greed. But charity does not demonstrate the absence or even the diminution of greed. It can well be merely the guilt offering of the greedy. Charitable contributions only represent true charity--that is, dearness, affection, high regard, as its etymology tells us--when it is performed as a duty derived from the claims of justice, not when it is a peace offering to the gods."

Immanuel Wallerstein, Utopistics


Thoughts?

Community Building in India

I'm in this program at Northwestern called the Service Learning Certificate Program. Basically. its a two-year thing where we learn about community building, asset-based community development, we work in different projects around Evanston and Chicago, and then in the second year, we are essentially trained to be consultants for a particular NGO or community group in the area. As consultants, we are supposed to design a new project that can be implemented at the site by the people that are already working there. The goal isn't community service, but to actually play a role in improving the functioning and effectivity of whatever place we choose by implementing our new ideas or projects.

So, being who I am, I am usually pretty skeptical towards some of the things we learn about in class. I find myself inherently averse to all of the fluffy talk about working with people so they feel special, blah blah blah. But you know what, no matter how fluffy the content of some of what we are studying may seem to be, its really just a compilation of strategies based on common sense, and on a more practical description of how to put what we know about human psychology to good use. Reading about how to develop relationships, how to get people motivated, how to educate and get communities to be involved with issues that directly affect them is actually pretty interesting stuff. While I don't yet know what my project will end up being for this program, I have learned a lot about how to start approaching some of the work done in India that interests me.

I wonder what it would do to really start applying some of the stuff we learn about Asset Based Community Development (getting members of communities to value and find out what they can contribute to their environments, and then motivating them to using such assets) in the international area, and particularly with things that I'm involved in in India. I've read some things in Asha reports on these sorts of community building strategies, and I'm wondering what kinds of concrete initiatives could be designed to really be affective at Asha sites. Everything that I'm learning about here and the case studies that we read about are based on American communities, and I wonder how the history, culture, and social underpinnings of what defines life in India would warp the way one would need to use these community development strategies in India. Because really, I think about Chandranagar School and the community of kids and parents that live there, and how uninvolved they really are with their children's education, with the conditions they live in, etc. I mean, do people really enjoy living in a shanty town where you throw your garbage in a dusty heap outside your doorstep? Do they like the smell of cow shit outside their schoolroom? Do they really care that their kids are 12 years old and illiterate? I'm pretty sure people care, at least a little bit. And Chandranagar is just one little school in a small community in Bangalore. I want to see what we can do in this community, and what we can design in terms of community building to really improve the lives and education of these kids. So yeah, thats all for now...

The Lake

Wow, what an eventful weekend. But without getting into the details, I'll describe my favorite part of it. Last night some friends and I went on a walk out to South Beach, on Lake Michigan. It was completely deserted, and we just walked right up to the waves and took it all in for a while. I love that Northwestern has a beach, but this one is particularly nice because you can look across the horizon and run into the Chicago skyline. Even with all of the light pollution, last night was a pretty clear night, so you could see some stars. I guess with all of the events until then, it was surprisingly humbling to stand out on the beach for a few minutes, and to just take in the enormity of the water and the sky. It's funny, because after growing up in a landlocked state, I am constantly surprised at the sight of water. I like the lake because it seems oceanic--you can look on and on and on into the water and your eyes will never reach land. I guess looking out into Lake Michigan gave me real feeling that the Earth was actually spherical. Nice.